Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
organizing the empties. That sober.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize