smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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