Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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