i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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