You're a womanizer and a bitch.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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