I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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