Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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