my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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