I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
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I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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