You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize