we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with two different species that night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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