I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to calm my uterus...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize