Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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