Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
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He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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