Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
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OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize