home. puking in laundry basket.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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