Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
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Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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