I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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