I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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