I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
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Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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