Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize