So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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