Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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