i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize