I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
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You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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