He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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