We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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