if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
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Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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