OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize