Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
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Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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