I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
do nipples grow back?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize