I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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