Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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