3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
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