in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
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Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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