i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've blown a few things in my day
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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