Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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