She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
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is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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