That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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