is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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