the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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