Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize