i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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