I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm passing your future prison.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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