why didn't you poke me back
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
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you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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