I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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