Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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