stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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