I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
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My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
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I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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