I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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